No... No... I like GUYS.. really

Last year I went to visit my parents in Oregon where I grew up. While I was there I came upon an old journal I had kept for a school class in 3rd or 4th grade. I got a good laugh reading through it and found one entry particularly funny. I talked about the drama of being in grade school. The biggest drama for me was that I liked to play sports and I always wanted to play with the guys. I must have been upset about them not letting me play on the good team or something because I was venting about how mad they made me and I had written, "I hate boys, they are so stupid." This seemed particularly funny because, well at times I still think the same thing. "Boys are so stupid, why don't they just get their act together and marry me already?" Anyway once I found this journal entry that I found so funny and fitting, I read it to my sister and my parents. They had fun razzing me about the fact that maybe if I liked guys it would be easier for me to find a date and get married. "Ha ha, very funny" but since they are my family I didn't really care and I knew they were just teasing. After all I did volunteer the information to them. I think we all just found it amusing that 20 years later nothing had really changed.

Well, that afternoon my sister, mom and I went to Albertson's where I had worked as a high school student for a few years. Pretty much everyone I worked with has moved on and stopped working there and found something better to do with their life. However, there is one lady who will probably work there until the day she dies. Every time my mom goes through her checkout line she asks about me and wants to know how I'm doing. So we saw LeeAnn and decided to go through her checkout line and talk to her for a sec. She was really excited to see me because my visits home are pretty rare and my visits to Albertson's are even rarer. (I like that word, rarer... it just is fun to say) anyway... she asked me all about what I'm doing and then she asks the question that I would much rather avoid but that always comes up. "So are you dating anyone special?" Of course she is going to ask me that. I'm not even considered normal in the non-Mormon world still not being married at 29. So I have to tell her no, I'm not dating anyone special and that I'm one of those weird Mormon Nuns by default. I would like to be married but well, I guess it's just the negative energy I put off. LOL. Anyway of course I didn't say any of that stuff because that would make me a freak so I just smile and say no, there's no one.

Then to my horror.... my mom pipes in and says "we just found out the problem, SHE DOESN'T LIKE GUYS." It felt like she was saying it in slow motion and that I was on the sidelines trying to stop her from making a really stupid move but there was nothing I could do and it was too late. She had said it and there was no going back. OK mind you this is in Oregon where there are a lot of people who take a different route in who they choose to date if you know what I mean. So when she said that referring to my journal entry thinking it's just cute and funny that I used to hate guys, it came out as if she was helping me come out of the closet or something. Both my sister and I who understood what that must sound like gave my mom the most horrified look and then I looked at LeeAnn and said frantically "No, no, I like guys really, it's not like that. See there was a journal I wrote in when I was 9 or 10 where I said I hated guys because they were mean to me, that's what she was implying, I like guys, really, I like GUYS." But by then it was too late and there was no turning back. I think LeeAnn was astute enough to know that my mom was just out of it and didn't know what she was implying so I think I'm safe as far as people in my hometown thinking I'm gay but HELLO!!!!, of all the things to say and all the ways it could sound.... My mom just didn't get it.

Needless to say, as we walked out of the store I told my mom that I didn't appreciate what had just transpired and that it's fine to joke around and tease about that stuff at home where we know the situation and context but that was not cool to say it to someone who probably thinks I'm a weirdo anyway because of the Mormon Nun thing.

I just remembered

When I was at the ripe old age of 24, I had a friend at work who had recently gotten married. One day we were talking and he said, "I just don't understand it, you are funny, smart, cool and well... pretty enough, (I don't think he said it like that it was some what in that tone though) you shouldn't have a problem getting married. " Then he said, "Well you are always welcome to be my ministering angel in Heaven." To this day I still think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. If you never get married I'll take you, I think he must have cursed me. Oh well I guess I always have that to fall back on..... What a goal!

You Go Girl!

Who knew a dating blog would led to so many fantastic stories about dating. I was hoping to get stories and insights from other people but I just keep getting more fun stories for myself. So I had a date on Friday and had to miss a wedding reception for a friend that night because of it. I debated making my date go to the reception with me for a minute, but then I thought better of it because taking someone to a social function such as a wedding reception sends a signal to the world that you are more than "just friends" even if that's what you tell everyone. So I opted out and skipped the reception. I didn't think I would be missed but apparently my former bishop was there and asked about me. My roommates told him that I was on a date and I guess he thought that was the most amazing, astounding, earth shattering news of the century. He was so excited for me having a date you would think that I had won the lottery, gotten engaged and been crowned Miss America as well. He proceeded to ask my roommates all the gory details and they told him all they knew. When they got home that night they informed me that he was really interested to learn all about me and this new guy. Well I had no idea that the next morning I would receive a phone call from this bishop calling to congratulate me on having a date the night before. Seriously who gets calls from their previous bishop congratulating them on a date? Oh and the best part about the conversation was at the end he said, "You go girl" I was dying I thought it was so funny, I guess that's what happens when you do something completely out of the ordinary and unexpected.

This is just the beginning

BACKGROUND: I am single. I always have been. I HOPE I won't always be. I like guys. I like them a lot. I would love to date more and meet guys who will fall all over me and pamper me with lavish gifts, and love me forever and ever. I'm working really hard on this right now. I'm studying and experimenting. I don't know what happened but I figure there must be some sort of dating secret that some how I missed. Some how I missed the dating train and if you can't even get on the dating train how are you ever going to get on the marriage train. Well finally understanding this new concept I have been trying ultra, super duper hard to learn the secret entrance to the dating train. I've snuck on a few more times this year. So I'm starting to feel happy about this accomplishment. But there must be more......

THEN: I heard of a revolutionary program called a DATING COACH. I figured this must be a way to learn more about the train. So I volunteered to take part in this new program. All summer I've been looking forward to this miracle worker practising magic on me. "Oh please Mr./Miss/Mrs dating coach tell me the secrets. Tell me why I can never quite make it to that special train called the Dating Train which will eventually take me to the transfer where I can board the fantastical Marriage Train" Supposedly this dating coach can take this ugly duckling














and turn them into












Well like I said after anxiously anticipating the arrival of the dating coach to take me to the dating train I received some bad news.


MY IDEA: By signing up for the free dating coach I would be a guinea pig and smooth out the bumps along the way. I would offer feedback and in return meet the man of my dreams, date him, fall in love with him and marry him, and he would do the same, all thanks to the amazing dating coach. My life would be perfect and I would then also be pretty close to perfect. Sounded pretty good to me. That's even a value of almost $1000.

THE REAL PLAN: Today I received an email stating the real plan. I still would get to have my very own dating coach, someone to tell me exactly how messed up I really am. Someone to baby step me up to a guy and tell me all the things that I should do and say to him. Well the catch to this wonderful program is that I would have to agree to go on such television programs as: Inside Edition, Studio 5, The Today Show, Good Morning America Now, and/or The Tyra Banks show. That is so my dream - to go on national television and tell them that I'm a freak and a pathetic excuse for a human being. Well maybe not that far but still. Why in the world would I EVER want to go advertising to the world that I'm a bad dater. SO: At the risk of never finding the grand entrance to the dating train I'm going to forgo the opportunity to show my face on tv and admitting that I'm hopelessly dateless. Oh and that's another good point the segment on one of the programs would be called "Dateless to Dazzling" So for now I guess I'll just have to recognize that I'll have to find the Dazzling train by myself, no dating coach for me.

Have you ever....

K, I've been thinking, all you singles out there, does it ever feel like there is an unfair advantage for the people who wear a wedding ring? So here's my train of thought. If a person has a wedding ring on their finger the thoughts that usually go through ones mind are things such as; "Dang I can't look already taken, look at that rock....lucky duck, or wow how did that person pull that one off. At any rate that's usually as far as your thoughts take you. On the other hand when you see that someone is single and without a wedding ring there is an instant - how shall we say this.... pity, misconception,tagged as a lonely freak who should be happy with whoever and whatever people can find to set you up with, since you obviously can't do it yourself. At family gatherings you get the "it's OK, it'll happen some day when it's right" as they proceed to tell you exactly what you are doing wrong and how you need to wear more lipstick, do your hair differently and change your energy in order to land a date. You are the lost puppy, the broken toy, the hopeless leper who is just begging for the all knowing advice of everyone who feels sorry for you and just wants to help while sticking their foot, -dirty socks and all- in their mouth.

Well if that has happened to you which if you are reading this and are now or have ever been single I'm sure it has, then you must have a story you are just dying to share. How you were barely 20 and people were already telling you it's OK cause you can always get married in the next life, or at the wedding of a younger sibling and your relatives (meaning well I'm sure) make you feel like a complete piece of poo and that you are now doomed for the rest of your life as the crazy single aunt (or uncle). I know there are stories out there and I want to hear them. I think it's about time there is a blog where people can get on and go off about the crazy things that people say to them when they are "just trying to help."

So please share your best stories and give us all something to laugh at and we can commiserate together, I mean hey we don't have a spouse or children to take it out on, why not on a happy little blog.

Oh and P.S. the changing my energy comment was just given to me tonight. I guess that's why I'm on a mission now to find other stories. I mean seriously how am I supossed to change my energy? What does that even mean?????